Website of the Week

Here's a website that probably wasn't meant to be strange, but for some reason it just makes me wonder what the deal is with Chuck Norris. My favorite section is the "Christian" area. It's just a shame that the chat room isn't working anymore because I would have a lot of fun in there. If you would like to purchase any Chuck Norris merchandise, I would recommend "Chuck's Code of Ethics" poster. You can't go wrong with that!

Confessions on a Dance Floor

The other night, I broke one of my rules that I try to obey. I went to a club with a guy I had never met before. There have been many instances where I sit at home all day Friday or Saturday, doing nothing and feeling bored and isolated. It's usually when this happens when I will jump at any opportunity to go out. In the 20 months that I have lived here in Milwaukee, I have learned that these clubs can be just as boring if I'm not with friends as a night alone on the couch. I made the mistake and just as I predicted, I regreted it.

What made Saturday night so miserable was hanging out with a guy who practically ignored me 90% of the time. First, we went to his apartment for a pre-bar party with his roommates and some of their friends. Every guy at this party was a new face and every guy was a true fag. I probably had the deepest voice in the room and that even includes the fat fag hag. (By the way, fag hags are scary people. Something must be said about the single lone woman at a gay party, but perhaps I'll make that a rant for another day). I felt out of place for a few reasons:

#1. My hair wasn't spiked. In fact, the only product I had in my hair that night was hairspray that had been applied about 10 hours prior.

#2. I didn't refer to the others as bitches, which seems to be the accepted choice of referral. No, instead I was thinking of something far more vicious than bitch that night.

#3. The guy who brought me to that party didn't seem to want me around. He barely spoke a word to me in the car and now that we were at his party, he didn't say much at all, except offerng me a drink.

One of the rudest moments of the night probably came when one of his roommates came over to him, whispered something in his ear about me. It could have been a compliment or a vicious remark at my expense. I'm guessing it was something along the lines of a compliment since an insult would have felt easier to speak in front of the whole group. During the party, i sipped my drink in quiet, listening and watching the people around me. I noticed a few moments when the guy began to text message the fag hag sitting across the room. They were only 10 feet away, but I guess texting each other made more sense since it would be more private. Hmmmmm, I wonder if it was something about me.

At this point, I was ready to leave but we then headed to La Cage. On our way there, the car hit a patch of ice and skidded about 10feet, turning sideways. There weren't many cars around and at no time during this spin did I feel nervous. My "friend" however seemed to be shaking and decided to call his roommate and bitch and complain about how we almost died. I tried to control my laughter. I could have mentioned that going 25mph wasn't nearly fast enough to kill anybody, but by saying that, it would have meant acknowledging him.

So, to make a long story short, we went to La Cage and I got myself a drink. For an hour, I sipped my drink and listened to the music. Once again, he didn't bother to say much to me but at this point I didn't care. We left La Cage at 1:00 because he wasn't having much fun and neither was I. He dropped me off at my apartment, we said goodnight and that is that. I suppose the next time I'm at home on a Saturday, doing nothing with nobody, I should feel grateful. However, I'm sure I'll break the rule again just hoping the next time will be different.

Website of the Week

Animal Defense Militia is an underground movement of covert operatives committed to preserving the autonomy and merriment of non-human vertebrates through any means necessary. I hope you enjoy!

Website of the Week

Every week, I will post an unusual link to an unusual site. It's not always meant to be funny, but it is meant for the viewer to respond "What The Fuck!?"

This week's link is a video called "ABC's of Sex Eductation."

Enjoy :)

The Story of Hagrid: Part Three

What happened the other night in Hagrid's cabin was not an isolated event. In fact, after that night it seemed to happen more often, and not just to me. Rumors of other students becoming victims of Hagrid circulated throughout the school. I have to be honest and admit I was a little jealous to find out other boys and girls were playthings for Hagrid. I was annoyed, filled with rage, whatever you want to call it, I felt used moreso after hearing I wasn't the only one. Rumor also told that one of Hagrid's favorite late night visitor was none other than Draco Malfoy. Was Draco gay? Was I gay? I decided to wait until dark, sneak down to Hagrid's cabin and see who tonight's boy would be.

Later that night, when everybody was sound asleep, I slipped on my robes and tiptoed out the castle and headed for Hagrid's cabin. The moon was hidden behind clouds. This made it even harder to see but it also provided the perfect cover from any potential onlookers. Already I could hear grunts and noise from the cabin, but I couldn't put my finger on it's origin but I heard Hagrid's voice.

"Just put it in your mouth and swallow. It should make you feel better," said Hagrid. At that moment, I decided to sneak a peak in through the window. I snuck over and quietly peaked inside. A boy I recognized as a Hufflepuff was sitting in the big armchair. What he said next was muffled by the heavy winds, but it sounded pretty repulsive. I saw Hagrid remove his heavy shirt, exposing his big meaty nipples. At this moment, one thought flashed through my mind. Who the fuck is this Hufflepuff bitch!?!?

Hagrid turned on his smooth operator charm. Placing his huge hand on the boy's head. "I just thought you'd be hot sitting so close to the fire. How about you take off your shirt." The shirt came off and my cock became erect immediately. My emotions were raging and exploding and my dick leaped up like a bottlerocket on the forth of July. POP! Once again, Hagrid seemed to take pride in stripping down to his golden thong but this time, he looked different. This time, it looks as if he tried to conduct a hair removal charm, but not very sucessful. Patches of hair were gone, but red marks were left behind on the skin. I couldn't help myself. I unrobed right outside the cabin and started to wank it. "Ooooh!" i moaned. I licked my lips and began to speed up the motions with my wrist. I came very close to climaxing before I witnessed something more horrific than Voldemort himself. Hagrid bent over (he didn't even bother to remove the thong, which was the most confusing part), took his hands and began to spread each butt cheek. Brown shit began to ooze out, like that kid's play-doh machine I had as a kid, the kind that makes spaghetti from the play-doh. The shit almost covered the boy all the way up to his shoulders. The aroma of a fresh Hagrid dump filled the night air, causing my gagging to echo over the empty grounds.

I covered my mouth and nose with my free hand, hoping to muffle the sound of the cough and prevent anymore of the smell to reach my nostrils. It did no good! The door flung open. I was caught with my dick in my hand. It was just as strange a sight as seeing a giant in a gold thong, with flecks of crap clinging to the hairs on his leg.

"WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOIN IN MAH BUSINESS? WHY THE FUCK YOU HERE AND NOT UP IN YOUR BED?" screamed Hagrid. I never knew Hagrid could get so mad, and it scared me some. I could see the rage in his eyes. He already trapped one student tonight in a pile of his own feces. What would he do with me, I wondered.

My fascination with He-Man

How many people out there remember The Masters of the Universe? He-Man became a phenomena during the 1980s and it's coming back! Stores such as Best Buy, Barnes & Nobel and the evil Walmart are beginning to see the series on dvd.

I'll stop for a few minutes so everybody reading this right now can get a few tissues to clean that wet spot forming on your pants.

Well, prepare to grab that whole box of tissues because what I'm about to say just might end your civil union. I am the owner of the entire series of He-Man and no folks. It's available on ebay and it's worth every cent. My childhood love has been rekindled and I'm very tempted to hold a He-Man party. He-Man cartoons, a little wine, maybe even a circle jerk if things get really wild.

All kidding aside, a strange sense of realization comes over us all when we revisit things from out childhood. In the case of He-Man, I think I'm starting to see why muscles and blond hair are always apart of my fantasy men. Not to mention his cute fuzzy red briefs, bondage chest gear and hooker boots. Who else thinks a He-Man party is genius?

:) One more thing about He-Man, Hollywood has hired John Woo to bring back He-Man in a new live action film. Hopefully coming out this year, but 2007 seems reasonable too.

The Story of Hagrid: Part Two

He stood overtop of me and I stared up at him from my seat. Like a single shining star in the blackness of space, that golden thong twinkled like a diamond in the sky. I felt my curiosity gain control over my inhibitions and with a single swift move, my hand reached for the precious golden jewels. It was velcrow (well, actually it was something entirely different, but to those muggles reading this now, we will just refer to it as velcrow) that concealed everything.

At that moment, the engorged vessel seemed to grow in size way beyond any natural possibilities. Why Hogwartz didn't bother teaching the students this nifty magic trick seemed absurd. I have to admit what happened next was rather disappointing. I didn't even have time to open my mouth to express my feelings for the moment when I was thrown on the bed and on my back. On my back, on my stomach, and laying in positions I would have thought would have broken my own back, the screams of pain seemed to echo all the way into the forbidden forest, with the cries of the wolves answerng me back.

I gazed up at Hagrid, who was holding a three pronged device in his massive hands tenderly. He stroked the grey device on the hind quarters and it made a noise that only "it" can make when it is stroked. Hagrid chortled, guffawed and then began......humping, but not without the machines assistance. In fact, Hagrid must have used some unknown spell because the sensation that the crack in my butt seperated and became two was all too apparent. I buried my face in my hands and began dry heaving. The display that was going on was like a strange nightmare that became a wet dream before I even realized what was happening. I took a firm grasp of my wand of love and began to tickle Hagrid. His moany-groany noise was all my doing and I sure answered that. I moaned in reply, beating it like it was my job.

I left Hagrid's cabin that night dripping with four different substances, some liquid and some halfway between a liquid and solid. I found out three valuable lessons that night that were far more important than any examination.

#1. Whenever anything that large is put in a place not accustomed, stains are likely to become an embarressment over the next few weeks.
#2. Teethmarks can be good in some places, but not in sensitive areas or areas that can tear skin off.
#3. The pubes of a giant can get stuck in your teeth for weeks.